tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54938772011-04-21T15:19:09.600-04:00Exposing Stupidity...One Idiot at a TimeQuicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comBlogger661100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1101756634452669392004-11-29T14:16:00.000-05:002004-11-29T14:30:34.453-05:00

BEACHFRONT AVENUE!!!! Yeup. Just got back from a 120 hour Thanksgiving weekend trip to Florida. Good stuff. Golf. Food. Pool time. Princess sleeping incessantly. Good times. For those of you who haven't been in a long time, you've got to get back down there, if only to remind yourself that the driving in your particular city could be MUCH worse. You've got the old folks going 25 in a 65

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1101160245214333602004-11-22T16:32:00.000-05:002004-11-22T16:52:04.380-05:00

...people will read. At least that's what I've been told. So here we go. Don't hold me to anything, because clearly I'm busy enough to take a half-year hiatus every now and then. Let's have some fun discussing...MUH JUNIOR!!!! Yes, the Mistress of Unintentional Humor has been reborn, and she's sitting across from me. Problem is she's just not as funny as MUH Senior, so I'm grappling with the

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1078869463100961922004-03-09T16:57:00.000-05:002004-03-09T16:59:58.653-05:00

Reason # 1 million why I have a blog

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1078340207064876692004-03-03T13:56:00.000-05:002004-03-03T13:58:55.700-05:00

I'm back. I'm sorry everyone. I know you've been waiting for your stupid people fix. I'd love to say that I've been gone for so long because all of the stupid people in the world fell of the face of the planet, but alas, it's simply not true. Where have I been? What's new? Want a rundown? Well, you're getting one anyway... 1) I changed departments at work. I'm now consulting companies

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1070653859381371192003-12-05T14:50:00.000-05:002003-12-05T14:51:39.590-05:00

Just got off the phone with my buddy Lu-dog. He reminded me that I haven't posted in a while. Not only that, but he kindly informed me that I'm lazy, my mom dresses me funny and my feet smell like small dead animals. Thanks, Lu-dog. Anyway, I'm having a boring day. It's not that I don't have work, because I do. I just don't feel like doing anything. So, I'm going to write about nothing in

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1069432534988052532003-11-21T11:35:00.000-05:002003-11-21T11:36:01.530-05:00

Need some stupid, but addictive, ways to kill some time? Check this out.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1069432233295371982003-11-21T11:30:00.000-05:002003-11-21T11:32:40.200-05:00

Now here's a mascot that students can really identify with.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1069191308408840462003-11-18T16:35:00.000-05:002003-11-18T16:35:32.090-05:00

When times get tough, the tough cut office supplies. Which is, of course, ridiculous. We have an ongoing war, here in my office, between the employees on my floor and the evil empire composed of our cat-lady office manager and the group of Nazi trained individuals that order our supplies and other "perks." Yes, since the economy went south for the winter, we only carry one type of pen in

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1068655631538414232003-11-12T11:47:00.000-05:002003-11-12T13:18:00.060-05:00

It just occurred to me that I've been terrible about posting lately. Does it mean that people haven't been dumb? Absolutely not. I watched a woman, probably about 30 years old go up the down escalator. Maybe she'd never seen one before. Anyway, it's been an interesting week since my last post. I left my good pen at an AA's desk, and she held it for ransom. Made a note out of magazine

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1068055490735278542003-11-05T13:04:00.000-05:002003-11-05T13:04:49.233-05:00

Talking about ATM's today. Yes, that stands for Automated Teller Machine. For all of you out there walking around saying, "I need to stop at an ATM machine," PLEASE STOP NOW. It's redundant. The "M" stands for "MACHINE." And I know some tekkie out there (Brian) who will talk to me about what ATM stands for in the world of computers, that it's some sort of language used in an ATM Machine,

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1067620297915549712003-10-31T12:11:00.000-05:002003-10-31T12:11:37.010-05:00

Got a note from my buddy Brian today, reminding me to post my annual rant about Halloween. It's for kids. There's no need for me to see one of my consultants dressed up as a cowboy. That being said, if you're going to take advantage of Halloween and you just HAVE to dress differently than any normal day, please go ahead and dress in costume. Don't wear jeans and a sweatshirt and say you're in

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1067279397876180582003-10-27T13:29:00.000-05:002003-10-27T15:40:01.256-05:00

Well, good afternoon, really. But I digress. I'm sure that all of you ISDP fans out there have been itching for a good rant, but I just haven't had any lately. That, and I'm quite busy with work, wedding planning, and Princess' recovery. But nothing gets you quite like a convention coming to town. For those of you unfamiliar, I work in the same complex as our humble Convention Center.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1066398016436778322003-10-17T09:40:00.000-04:002003-10-17T09:40:16.016-04:00

1. That may have been one of the best series I've ever seen, even though my team lost. 2. Before game 7, I thought Grady Little should be fired at the end of the season. After the he left Pedro in the game when he was clearly done, I want a firing squad. Not only that, but he's been horrible in this whole series. I point to: a) Having his bullpen set up the way he wants it, and then not

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1065720789790097082003-10-09T13:33:00.000-04:002003-10-09T13:33:09.460-04:00

MUH is still annoying me. The latest is her love of the quotation mark. Any phrase that she considers to be out of the normal realm of conversation ends up in quotations. And that bothers me. I generally don't like punctuation. Especially unnecessary punctuation. So as an example: we are taking this planned investment in part because we need to bring [Wicked Witch of the West] "up to

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1065472177483532572003-10-06T16:29:00.000-04:002003-10-06T16:29:37.343-04:00

Sorry, everyone. For those of you who don't know, I've been taking care of Princess for the past couple of weeks. Poor Princess. She had an extended stay in the hospital, and she needs some time for recovery. Fortunately, that leads me to the exchange I had with a parking lot attendant at the hospital, not ten minutes after Princess went into surgery. I'm driving out of the lot. I give my

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1064266396128441252003-09-22T17:32:00.000-04:002003-09-22T17:33:15.813-04:00

From brianhaskell.com, which I would link if I understood anything about computers... "Dear Humanity, If your VCR is still blinking 12:00, please stay out of the self checkout line at the grocery store -- it's obviously very much beyond your capabilities. Trust me on this one. Thank you." Priceless.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1064265050047913112003-09-22T16:58:00.000-04:002003-09-22T17:10:50.050-04:00

Ok, people. I know this is a tough one. But I think if all of you just stick with me for a few minutes, I can explain it. Here goes. You're a mother. Who has a son. And Dad's away on a business trip. You take your son out for dinner, and little Johnny isn't quite at the age where he can go to the bathroom by himself. Do you: a) Escort him into the women's bathroom? or b) Escort him

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1063911678194158682003-09-18T14:48:00.000-04:002003-09-18T15:01:18.296-04:00

Actually, it's not the doctor that has me irritated today. Generally speaking, I don't have problems with doctors. Which might stem from the fact that DaddyAg is one. I had an appointment today at 2:00 to get my ankle checked out. My doctor had an emergency case this afternoon, so he needed to cancel the appointment. No problem. I understand. No biggie. Except that his staff called my

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1063637830335724962003-09-15T10:44:00.000-04:002003-09-15T10:57:10.220-04:00

I was reading through the comments people have posted, and everybody seems pretty irked by the whole "fitting everything into its bucket" idea. I agree. We used buckets for two things when I was growing up: 1) Washing the cars. 2) A receptacle into which we could throw up. So what am I reminded of every time somebody says, "we need to put things into the right buckets?" Exaaactly. The

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1063309266813542532003-09-11T15:41:00.000-04:002003-09-11T15:41:06.726-04:00

Have you ever just listened to other people's conversations while riding the elevator? I do. All the time. And being the most judgmental person I know, I immediately begin to formulate opinions about the people involved. So this conversation was the trigger for today's post: Woman 1: So you're going on vacation soon, I hear. Man: Yeah, I'm psyched. I'm heading out of the country for two

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1063219189223278832003-09-10T14:39:00.000-04:002003-09-10T14:39:49.133-04:00

Personally, if there were a Dad of the Year Award, I'd nominate my father. He's a good guy. Loves his life and pretty much everyone in it. Cool part is that people think I look like him. But enough shiny happy thoughts for the day. I'm bloggin' today to nominate two people for the Dad of the Year Award, except these nominations are more like the What Not to Do if You're a Parent Award type.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1063133265090204772003-09-09T14:47:00.000-04:002003-09-09T14:47:44.980-04:00

Apparently so. Walking down Newbury Street today, AMR and I saw a homeless man with the following sign: "Homeless vegetarian. Please help." A couple of weeks ago I saw this: "Homeless veteran. Please spare 25 cents." Is it just me, or have we come a long way since the days of "WILL WORK FOR FOOD?" Next thing you know, I'm going to see someone with a "Homeless father of four. Please let

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1063030938463582672003-09-08T10:22:00.000-04:002003-09-08T10:23:38.063-04:00

Normally, this blog is filled with contempt, sarcasm and ridicule. Not this post. This is a public service announcement: For those of you who have yet to see Bruce Springsteen in concert, put it on your list of things to do before you leave Earth. Princess and I went to his show last night, at the venue that comes closest to what I imagine heaven would be like, Fenway Park in Boston. I

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1062796164722498192003-09-05T17:09:00.000-04:002003-09-05T17:14:26.270-04:00

SAAP can't be replaced at work, but I have found a replacement for her on this blog. We'll call her Cat Lady. She's the "Location Administrator" (translation: she's the most important administrative employee we have), and she's really not much fun to deal with. Here's the latest from an email distributed to all of us from the Big Boss Lady... "[Our office] continues to struggle to meet the

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1062178087328918842003-08-29T13:28:00.000-04:002003-09-05T17:18:31.510-04:00

While I am upset to acknowledge the fact that I'm losing one of my sources of content, I received the following via email this morning... "We regret to inform you that [SAAP] has left [our company]. Her last day was yesterday." Ahhh, "her last day was yesterday." Which always leads to some moron at work asking the following questions: 1) [Quicksilver], did you know that [SAAP] was leaving?

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1062092546563115502003-08-28T13:42:00.000-04:002003-09-05T17:18:39.276-04:00

or Moron Driving. Whichever. Ok, anytime people are maneuvering something with wheels, they become a reincarnation of Mario Andretti. To see this, all you have to do is go to your nearest supermarket when it's busy. I checked the statistics of the Shaw's near my office, and they have 3 shopping cart related injuries every day. And those are the ones that are reported! Really, I don't have

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1062009806833342932003-08-27T14:43:00.000-04:002003-08-27T14:43:26.760-04:00

I've been bad. Haven't blogged in a while. Bad Quicksilver. Anyway, I'm back and so is MUH. With a vengeance. Actually asked me if we "crew" anything up while she was out. I had no idea what she was talking about. Had her email me. Apparently, "we's crew up some things" translates to "we screwed up something." How was I supposed to know? In other news, my street is closed. They're

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1061562815422654202003-08-22T10:33:00.000-04:002003-08-22T10:33:35.383-04:00

The Moron of the Day today was the woman in the cab outside my office who, having not been paying attention while she was paying the cab driver, opened the door to the cab directly into an 8 year old child. Now, I can somewhat understand being mindless enough to hit the kid in the first place, but to not even notice that you'd done so, and start walking very quickly away from the cab? That's

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1061410833973790742003-08-20T16:20:00.000-04:002003-08-20T16:20:34.166-04:00

The idiot with a double stroller for her twins who first took the revolving door into the building and then took the escalator up into the main lobby. There are signs posted at both locations suggesting that this isn't what we in the consulting world refer to as "the best practice." I'd pray for the safety of those kids, but they both looked like Satan incarnate. With horns.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1061309102157817562003-08-19T12:05:00.000-04:002003-08-19T12:05:42.266-04:00

So my company has installed spam filters on our email system, hoping to eliminate the junk that flies into our inboxes every day. Clearly, these things aren't working very well. Email 1: Message from my friend Ben telling the softball team when our next game is. This message has been flagged "SPAM" Email 2: Message from "Olivia" letting me know that there is a drug out there that can

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060964404157989982003-08-15T12:20:00.000-04:002003-08-15T12:24:24.363-04:00

MUH goes on vacation next week. I'll miss her so much. Who's going to make me laugh? The latest? From Steve, "Steve, we needs to make sure that we're comparing apples to oranges" Sounds like a dangerous philosophy. Luckily for my company, Steve knows that you can't compare apples with oranges. Which brings me to the fact that I really don't like this expression. I hear it roughly 3

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060955849000840312003-08-15T09:57:00.000-04:002003-08-15T10:14:48.440-04:00

Ok, so my brother had a 30th birthday party a few weeks ago. Princess and I took him and his wife to the Manchester United game in Philadelphia. Good times. Very good times. Anyway, I get the thank you card in the mail last night. Only it wasn't from my brother. It was from my sister-in-law, thanking me on her husband's behalf. What???!?!? Now, I understand that when you have 100-plus

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060870754707209702003-08-14T10:19:00.000-04:002003-08-14T10:25:16.643-04:00

Does anybody watch his HBO show? He has a panel of three people -- usually one Democrat minority, one white Republican, and one activist who can't get a word in edgewise because he/she has no idea what's going on. Anyway, I watched last night, and realized something. Janeane Garofalo isn't normal. I never really loved her as an actress, but as an "activist" she REALLY doesn't do it for me.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060782944780574942003-08-13T09:55:00.000-04:002003-08-13T10:00:32.346-04:00

Went through a revolving door to get into my office complex today. Some guy tried to go in the same section with me.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060720921268122152003-08-12T16:42:00.000-04:002003-08-12T16:42:01.306-04:00

...you might want to do a spell check. Comment about Friday's post: Obviously you have little else to do than to ponder such rediculous questions. GET A LIFE!!! -- Posted Tue 12 Aug 5:21 PM GMT by Living Large (llbean@aol.com - ) [65.242.178.26 / $Squawk.CommentPosterHostname] OK. Let's discuss, shall we? Ridiculous (proper spelling) comes from the same root as the word ridicule. If

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060719839053618122003-08-12T16:23:00.000-04:002003-08-12T16:24:11.470-04:00

Walked to work this morning. Got on the escalator. Woman gets on the escalator at the same time. She shares a step with me for the entire ride up the escalator. WE WERE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE ON IT!!! Last Friday, a guy got into the elevator with me. Rode five floors up with me while standing roughly 1 inch away. Again, there were only two of us in the elevator. What's wrong with this

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060365228170386632003-08-08T13:53:00.000-04:002003-08-08T13:53:48.196-04:00

My friend Aaron helped me today with this question. What is the purpose of the term "double check." As in, "I'll just double check with so and so to make sure whatever it is was sent out by what's her name." Why double? Are you checking twice? What's the purpose of checking twice? Wouldn't once be enough? And if once isn't enough, why don't you triple check? Has anybody ever heard that

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060205263456062372003-08-06T17:27:00.000-04:002003-08-06T17:27:43.443-04:00

From NOMAHFAN's fact-a-day calendar, which provides 15 minutes of entertainment each day... In 1993, Carl Sagan sued Apple Computer for libel. Here's the scoop: Apparently, Apple Computer had a project that they originally codenamed (is that a word?) Carl Sagan. His lawyer threatened suit over the naming of the project, so Apple Computer changed the name of the project. To Butt Head

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060117585671431292003-08-05T17:06:00.000-04:002003-08-05T17:06:25.750-04:00

1. MUH. Another urgent phone mail, lasting 1 minute 15 seconds, which really wasn't urgent. 2. The idiot last night who came to a complete stop while driving through the FastLane. 3. SAAP. Spelled "Pam" wrong today. 4. Several children on Razor scooters. 5. SpongeBob SquarePants. I'll never forgive my nephews or my siblings for subjecting me to hours of Mr. SquarePants DVD's while on

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1060025981401602442003-08-04T15:39:00.000-04:002003-08-04T15:39:41.410-04:00

1) Why do you have to pay 1 more dollar to get a waffle cone, when you know for a fact that they aren't homemade waffle cones? I mean, we've come so far that we can do everything but pick our noses via the internet, but somehow a sugar cone is a whole dollar cheaper than a waffle cone? Come on. 2) My office building has some serious security guards. They make you show your card pass to the

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1059658443479123462003-07-31T09:34:00.000-04:002003-07-31T09:34:03.423-04:00

SAAP has missed roughly half of this year by my calculations due to "illness." Earlier this week, I brought a letter over to her desk for typing, and there was a note on her computer: "Vacation. Back 7/30." How and why was that approved?

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1059500362385221172003-07-29T13:39:00.000-04:002003-07-29T13:39:22.326-04:00

Today's topic: The word "urgent." 1. "Urgent" and "important" do not mean the same thing. Many important things become urgent when timing becomes an issue. Until timing becomes an issue, something that's important simply remains important. MUH, please stop using these words as synonyms, especially when marking your 3 minute phonemails "urgent." 2. Lets talk connotation for a minute.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1059415478820501532003-07-28T14:04:00.000-04:002003-07-28T14:04:38.800-04:00

You didn't? Oh well. Apparently MUH did. I got a message at 8.30 this morning from her, because she knew I was returning from vacation today. A couple of things impressed me: 1) After getting frustrated at the length of the message, I decided to time it against my watch (it has a second hand). Official time: 2 minutes and 27 seconds. Ridiculous. More on this later. 2) She actually

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1058377245290284852003-07-16T13:40:00.000-04:002003-07-16T13:47:33.380-04:00

This passage, courtesy of NOMAHFAN, just proves my point about the low expectations we set for our journalists... "Blalock, added to the AL team by vote of his fellow peers, finishing with more than three times as many votes as Oakland's Eric Chavez (178 to 50), delivered the first pinch home run in All-Star history since Jeff Conine, MVP of the 1995 game in The Ballpark at Arlington, now

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1058370710735359312003-07-16T11:51:00.000-04:002003-07-16T11:53:21.610-04:00

Tried going to the Crate and Barrel website to check up on how the registry is going for me and Princess. Only I mistyped the word Barrel. Actually, every time I look at that word, it looks weird. So I don't know which spelling is correct. The point of the story is that Crate and Barrel doesn't care how you spell Barrel, because they've managed to corner the market on URL's for people who

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1058289164717082692003-07-15T13:12:00.000-04:002003-07-15T13:12:44.766-04:00

So I had a business trip yesterday -- training in my hometown. I have a question for everyone. In a country where we sue for everything and anything, regardless of whether we should be able to or not, how do we put up with the treatment we get from airlines? My flight to Philthadelphia was an hour late. On a perfectly clear day. In fact, it was a clear day EVERYWHERE IN THE COUNTRY. Yet,

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1057943660171238812003-07-11T13:14:00.000-04:002003-07-11T13:14:20.220-04:00

A sampling of errors from a presentation typed by SAAP: I. Four times, we wrote the word "designed." All four times, it was typed "designated." 2. We asked to bring in a legend for graphs from another client's presentation. She brought in the graphs. Without the legend. And deleted the correct graphs. 3. Spelled the word "Hospital" incorrectly 6 times. 4. Took the words "apply this

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1057848063982253402003-07-10T10:41:00.000-04:002003-07-10T10:41:03.890-04:00

Blame Canada

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1057843426240986242003-07-10T09:23:00.000-04:002003-07-10T09:23:46.333-04:00

Thanks to the best man for this one... It speaks for itself... MILWAUKEE -- Pittsburgh first baseman Randall Simon was booked for misdemeanor battery for hitting one of the Milwaukee Brewers' popular racing sausages with a bat during Wednesday night's game. Simon was released, said a spokeswoman for the Milwaukee County Sheriff's Department, who asked not to be identified. Simon will meet

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1057680670538819722003-07-08T12:11:00.000-04:002003-07-08T12:12:37.086-04:00

Article in the Globe today about Iranian twins conjoined at the head. 29 years old. They'd been living like this for 29 YEARS!!!! What did doctors try to do? You guessed it. Surgically separate the twins. Sadly, they both died. Which leads to my question... Couldn't we have seen this coming? Don't get me wrong -- I'm all for medicine prolonging and improving our quality of life. But

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1057679966307582592003-07-08T11:59:00.000-04:002003-07-08T12:13:14.500-04:00

Sorry, everyone. Been on vacation. Montreal. Good times. I'll try to catch all of you up on what's been going on, but I just got this fun tidbit from someone in another office. Moron: [Quicksilver], I wanted to talk to you about a formula in the spreadsheet you sent me. QS: Ok, what's up? Moron: Well, it assumes that a company's revenues are always positive. QS: Ok... Moron: Plenty

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1057178586456040312003-07-02T16:43:00.000-04:002003-07-02T16:44:02.700-04:00

This is one of them. Boring. Nobody's been dumb today, which I should be happy about. Well, that's not actually true. Plenty of people have been dumb. Just not enough for me to write about them. Actually, I just remembered a fun one about SAAP. A couple of weeks ago, she spelled my name wrong in a letter. It wasn't a typo. My first name has multiple spellings. She chose a different

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1057081323978446382003-07-01T13:42:00.000-04:002003-07-01T13:42:04.100-04:00

I'm sure that some of you expected me to write about the new edition of Webster's dicitionary. If you weren't expecting me to, you should have been. Here's one of the more frightening entries that have been added to our favorite dictionary: "McJob . . . . noun (1986) : a low-paying job that requires little skill and provides little opportunity for advancement" Are you kidding me? This

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1057007212190368852003-06-30T17:06:00.000-04:002003-06-30T17:06:52.256-04:00

This one comes gift-wrapped from Steve. My partner in nerf mini globe throwing overheard "someone from downstairs" on the phone near the kitchen: "We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it" Things to note: 1) The people downstairs generally aren't the brightest candles on the Menorah (sorry, the best I can do). 2) The people downstairs are about as normal as Michael Jackson on acid.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056738732461157262003-06-27T14:32:00.000-04:002003-06-27T14:32:12.453-04:00

Newsflash: MUH can't do anything right. And by "anything" I mean anything. She's not too happy these days, because people have been challenging her traditional review process (i.e. no review is good review). So she snapped. She actually said the words, "I'm so frucking piss off right now." Which was funny. I couldn't contain my laughter. But it got better, because she apologized... "

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056643375446045512003-06-26T12:02:00.000-04:002003-06-26T12:02:55.473-04:00

Now, SAAP is notorious for not being in the office for months at a time. I'm not kidding. Months. Every time she actually comes in, half the people in the office pinch themselves. So I'm chatting with one of my friends, and she taps me on the shoulder -- "Hey, get to work!" She was kidding, but that's just asking for trouble. My immediate thought for a response was, "Oh, I'm sorry, I just

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056569821426699602003-06-25T15:37:00.000-04:002003-06-25T15:38:09.516-04:00

'Cause you're fired! Not that I have an office. Nor can I fire people. Which is a shame, because it really would be fun. In case you can't tell, some days are more eventful than others for this little space on the web. Today's rather boring. Oh well. At least a very nice guy brought in Krispy Kreme donuts yesterday. Thanks Jeff! Since my contact with MUH has been limited today (she's

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056468572747253592003-06-24T11:29:00.000-04:002003-06-24T14:21:09.456-04:00

First, I'd like to thank Longing for Sunday for being the only person to help out with the acronym for my favorite admin assistant. To summarize our acronyms, we have: MUH -- Master (I'm actually thinking Mistress might be better) of Unintentional Humor -- my favorite consultant. SAAP -- Stupid Administrative Assistant Psycho -- my favorite AA. Ok, onto the rant. I'm on the phone with one

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056388860318522752003-06-23T13:21:00.000-04:002003-06-23T13:30:21.573-04:00

Ok, people. Here's the deal. Please perform a cost/benefit analysis the next time you're going to tell me to do a cost/benefit analysis. Weigh the pros and cons of telling me to weigh the pros and cons. I'll help you out... Pro (benefit) -- You'll get to sound corporate, important and intelligent. Con (cost) -- You might not get the phrase out, because there will be a very nicely polished,

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056377399905597592003-06-23T10:09:00.000-04:002003-06-23T10:09:59.946-04:00

We started early today.... MUH: I want to avoid [that] if possible, otherwise it just money going up the drain. Wow. Up the drain. That's a new one. Can ANYONE explain how that would work? In other MUH news, I just spent 20 minutes looking for a work binder that she asked me to get for her. Where did I find it? On her desk. Under the spreadsheet she was reviewing. You know, the

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056124558950143512003-06-20T11:55:00.000-04:002003-06-20T11:55:58.820-04:00

My friend Brian helped me out with this one, and I just heard it at work. People use the phrase "moving forward" all the time. Like, "Moving forward, we need to make sure everything is properly reviewed" Or, "Moving forward, you should bill all of your time to training" Or, my personal favorite, "Moving forward, Alan, you shouldn't throw tennis ball sized nerf replicas of the globe at your

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056057601080325362003-06-19T17:20:00.000-04:002003-06-19T17:20:57.043-04:00

Question: Which sentence is correct? A. This data is corrupt. B. These data are corrupt. Answer? In the lovely world of consulting, it's A. In the world of English, it USED TO BE B. But dumb people can't seem to grasp that data is a plural noun, so now BOTH are acceptable. Either way, my admin assistant just yelled at me for typing B in a letter, and wouldn't allow me to send it out that

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056048586314187492003-06-19T14:49:00.000-04:002003-06-19T14:49:46.213-04:00

I'm sorry. I'd like to write more, but I've contacted the "strap throat virus" Yes, another fun entry by MUH. Actually sent to the client. Without review. "Sorry for not reply sooner, but I have contacted the 'strap throat' virus" That and she easily gets "confrustrated" Whatever that means. Is that like flustrated? Some imaginary combination of two perfectly good words? In which case,

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056043800405769812003-06-19T13:30:00.000-04:002003-06-19T14:50:19.436-04:00

It just occurred to me that you could actually spin your wheels while attempting to reinvent the wheel. Isn't that a paradox? In sports related news, the Hall of Fame has considered Roger Clemens comments about cap selection on his plaque in Cooperstown. Members of the hall acknowledge that in order to accurately portray Clemens, they will only be able to depict portions of his ego-swelled

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056042158389777952003-06-19T13:02:00.000-04:002003-06-19T14:50:43.313-04:00

Ok, I promised myself I wouldn't add too much too quickly, but this can't wait. MUH: Alan, I really needs you to goes ahead and positioning ourselves and doing the work Translation into English: Alan, you've been ignoring me for five days, could you please do my work now? Oh, and the next person who mentions the words "spinning our wheels" is going to have the wheels of a Mercury Cougar

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5493877.post-1056037271601654922003-06-19T11:41:00.000-04:002003-06-19T14:50:58.910-04:00

There's a consultant at work who is a master of unintentional humor. Hence, she will be known from now on as MUH. Well, here are the first two entries in the MUH journal. "When I cry roof, I want to mean it" "We can't be worried about this now -- it's water over the bridge" More to come. After I go "add some value." Note to self: Find inventor of that phrase, beat inventor with a rake.

Quicksilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553965044949891877noreply@blogger.com